Sick baby boy
Every time Aydin gets ill I feel a huge surge of impotence. It’s a really tough part of motherhood because I would rather have whatever he has 10 fold than see him have as much as a runny nose.
Aydins New Year Resolution
Aydins New Year resolution must have been something along the lines of –
•live life like a cockerel
•have a year in the life of a person who starts work at 5.30am (so must wake at 4:30am)/
•do as many practise runs of waking up early to catch a cheap flight, just in case
• pretend to live in another time zone every morning
•make the most of the day, therefore wake before it is even DAY!
• test mums very limits of patience
• jeopardizing all mums good intentions for 2016
Seriously can’t picture surviving 2016 at this pace little man.
Snap of 2015
Christmas 2015
We spent Christmas at my mums which meant we could actually spend maximum family time with minimal bed time interruptions. Aydin discovered the stairs and it meant all 4 days that was his mission by the end of our stay he was climbing them all the way to the top and loving it. It meant zero relaxation for at least one family member but it was this or an extremely annoyed little man.
He is really loving being on his feet now and no longer aims for us which just shows his new found confidence. He is roaming around freely and happily falling on mums soft carpet it must be better than our hardwood floors so we let him make the most of it.
Presents and food were abundant at mums which lets face it is the focus of this time of year. They made an appearance daily which is my idea of heaven. Yes, that’s right, for me heaven must be a roast potato filled otherwise I have gone to the wrong place! The 24th & 26th were spent with our Ewa and Randy another absolute must! I do wonder what I would do without these 2, though since motherhood smacked me in the face I have hardly seen them which is a huge sore point for me.
Shocking but the only picture I have of these two beauties and it doesn’t do them any justice hahahah.
The rest of my Christmas 2015 pictures are variations of these below …..
Look how he’s grown in 1 year!!!!
16 months
This month has been full of snots, coughs and sneezes. I feel like the whole month was spent nursing a sick baby. Between nasty colds and frustrating teething it has been a tough one! All this is reflected in the lack of fun photos to make the monthly collage from. Hope next month is a bit less snotty.
15 months
At 15 months Aydin is really making me want more little ones like him. I still look at him in awe, how can anyone this perfect, this handsome be something I created? His confidence is slowly growing with walking and those tiny steps towards me like a little penguin melt my heart. I love that he trusts me enough to come towards me rather than anyone else, I love his excitement at reaching me, our celebration and cuddles every time he makes it into my arms. Little man you have my heart wrapped around your little finger.
14 months old
My adorable little guy turned 14 months in a blink of an eye since turning 1!!! I knew this would happen!!! Arghhhh pesky time always speeding up on me. Look at this boy, is it any wonder I am nuts about him, even though he has turned my life as I knew it upside down.
So at 14 months he is steadily becoming a very stubborn impatient little boy. If he does not get his way or gets bored all hell breaks loose. No more nice coffee shop breaks together happily eating breadsticks on his high chair. Now I can just about order the coffee and he has had enough of the venue. Kicking up a fuss if carried, if fed, if given toys and if left on the high chair. It’s a no win situation. Bring back easy coffee times together, I didn’t make the most of these!
Well while I am on this topic I haven’t made enough of any moment or any stage because I have found everything about this new stage in my life terrifying, scary and lonely. I struggle daily (even 14 months on) on how my life has changed. I wish for one day in the life of old me but of course who wants that when this little boy is the centre of new me. But see the struggle is that’s all I know about new me, she is a mum and it ends there. She is a mum with no energy for anything else but a huge need for more. I feel like I need to go back to the drawing board and start from scratch to get to a point where I am more than a mum and I do more things that make me happy or make me feel normal. By normal I mean someone who has hobbies, likes and dislikes.
Perfecting the skill of standing
The last couple of days aydin has been focusing all his efforts on perfecting his balance when standing. It’s adorable to watch his attempts and his eagerness to try again and again. Getting back up countless times with the same excitement. Plus his little face of satisfaction when he turns to make sure you are watching.
Return to work 3 weeks on
Aydin has totally settled with the childminder and she seems to really enjoy him which is such a blessing. It makes all the difference knowing he is happy and well looked after.
On the other hand my return to work has brought up so many mixed emotions. Prior to my return to work there was a sense of excitement at regaining part of my old self through being back in an environment which was such a big part of my pre baby life and it has been a blow emotionally that I don’t feel at home at all there and I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. If anything it has highlighted just how different I am now. It’s like returning to your home and all your things have been relocated, everyone you shared it with had been swapped and someone else is in charge of the running of it and you are only a spectator. It’s no ones fault and no one can fix it. Indeed there is no fix that I can think of but the sense of impotence is so strong.
So work doesn’t define me at all, motherhood still feels alien and my life has no time for anything else. So what am I, who am I? I know I am a mum, wife and daughter but I mean more than this, deeper than this. What defines me? I feel like an impostor in every category. I feel like an impostor in my own head. Not in the- I am in need of a psychologist way or in need of medical assistance but just in a slightly out of my depth kind of way.
13 months today
Mr handsome you really make my heart melt. Bonkers about you!!!!
About Me
I'm Jo and this is my little place to record the moments I cherish of everyday life. I know I would never remember all these so at least this way I can capture them, and not only I but family and friends, can take a dip into the past when desired.